My grandmother, May, was older than my grandfather, Roy Virgil. For reasons I never really understood, this fact embarrassed her and we weren’t allowed to talk about it. Social mores’ were such that women just didn’t marry younger men and it was considered scandalous when they did. So, Mamaw was a hussy. It was only after she died that I learned both Mamaw and Papaw were divorced prior to their marriage. Oh the shame.
Apparently this sort of shameless behavior runs in the family. In addition to being wife 2.0, wife 2.0 is five years older than me. I take great pleasure in reminding her of this fact from time to time. The problem is, she takes great pleasure in reminding me my hair is the color of fresh snow while hers is the same color as the day she graduated from high school. Her father’s hair (what little he has left) is bright white and her mother’s hair (mother-in-law 2.0?) is like wife 2.0’s, a nice chestnut brown. One might think wife 2.0 and mom-in-law 2.0 avail themselves of modern chemistry to keep the snow out of their hair. One would be mistaken. I SWEAR these women, mid 50’s and late 70’s have no gray hair. However, like Typhoid Mary, they are both carriers. The men in their lives age at a freakishly rapidly pace like a tuna fish sandwich in the August sunshine.
Nature has a way of achieving an equilibrium or balance in all things. Female black widow spiders need nutrition to give birth to their thousands of offspring; so, they kill and eat their mates shortly after breeding. This natural balance must explain why 2.0 and Mamaw sought out younger men. It also explains why Mamaw outlived Papaw and I’m beginning to look a little worse for the wear myself.
Not only am I beginning to dissolve under the onslaught, I’m doing so in an oddly uneven fashion. The hair I can see is white; though, I’m told the hair I can’t see is a nice shade of brown, and continuing the joke, nature has seen fit to leave my eye brows brown as well. The ultimate effect is to give the appearance I was put together from left over mismatched parts, much like some 21st century Frankenstein.
I really must stop looking in the mirror.
See you next time.
We have a friend named, "Ramon" who is from the Canary Islands and who must be at least 75 years old or older at this point in time. He might begin a conversation in English but inevitably, he ends up speaking Spanish by the end. (NOTE: It doesn't matter if the person on the other end of the conversation doesn't actually SPEAK SPANISH--like my late mother-in-law who was an Italian-speaker. Ramon would start out talking to her in English, but sooner or later, he would be hablando el espanol. My dear mother-in-law, bless her soul, would say to him very slowly and patiently, "Ramone (pronounced like Italian: /Ra-mon-ay/)....PAUSE.....I no speak the Spanish!!" at which point he would then switch back into English without missing a beat...but only for a while and then, inexorably, she would herself listening to espanol again--but anyway, you see the pattern. Well, what I am getting at with this story is that this dear friend Ramon had jet black hair and a jet black beard when we met him over 30 years ago and which HAVE NEVER CHANGED IN COLOR the three decades that we have known him!!!!!! Of course, we were too polite to ask and just assumed, as one would, that he was dyeing it (Grecian formula perhaps???) but one fateful day, the topic of aging and hair color came up. I think my dear hubby may have been bemoaning the fact that his mustache was turning white (this was BEFORE the hair on his head had also turned silvery!) and Ramon came out with the surprising revelation that HIS father's hair AND his grandfather's hair had stayed black-as-coal as long as they had lived!!!!!??! We were astonished to hear this (and felt kind of lousy for jumping to the conclusion that he had been coloring his hair all those years) Since that time, I have learned of several people (your darling wife for one) whose hair has never grayed (or whose hair has changed very little over time).....BUT that would NOT be me, though!!! [ASIDE: When asked why I don't go ahead and dye my own hair dark again, I always answer, "but would that automatically remove 20 years of ageing from my face??!?"]
ReplyDeleteSome people are just clueless....I love your blog!!! Keep it up!! HRM