Today Was Very Strange
Those of you that follow this blog and the few that know my
secret identity also know I am 52 year old overweight office worker with the
chronic health conditions typical for that demographic. Consequently I see the family doc twice a
year to reset, renew and reload the standard batch of meds. Today was that day. You know, plan the trip to the doc for about
15 minutes , scales, blood pressure, pee in the cup and draw some blood, be at
work by nine. Not today.
My day ended 13 hours later; but, only after four doctors,
one hospital, one clinic, two MRI procedures and four, count them, four blood
draws and a separate procedure where they stick non-blood in the blood veins so
the MRI -MRA machines can more accurately perform their tasks.
In other words, I spent the day in the company of very
earnest, very serious professionals intent on performing their tasks in a
workmanlike fashion. Stated differently
a group of people utterly devoid of humor in a situation desperately in need of humor. I believe I was called of the lord to create humor
for these people who have no humor . I'm
pretty sure the guy in the next room was told he has a very short time to
live. He desperately needed humor and he
needed it then. So there I was.
I filled out six page history forms at five locations in
this very strange very unexpected day.
So, I decided to have fun. They
wanted my weight; but didn't specify a unit of measurement, so, I just said
"way to much" . The form asked
for my occupation. I responded out of
work major league pitcher or in the
alternative, grumpy lawyer. I laughed
out loud when each nurse or physician asked "how are you doing"? Did you ever want to smile like Miss America
and say "like shit or I wouldn't be here". Well, today, I did, four times.
My crowning achievement was when the unsmiling desk clerk
asked for my emergency name and my emergency phone number. Please note, she did not ask for an emergency
contact person; rather, she wanted my emergency name . I decided on the spot that in the event of an
emergency, my emergency name would be "Johhny Danger" and that my
emergency phone number would be 911. Yes, that was entered in my permanent
records. Wouldn't you like to be the 911
operator who gets the call from Baptist Hospital asking for Johnny Danger's
mommy, Mrs. Beulah Danger? 911 calls are recorded, this might actually
happen.
I actually had myself ( or my alter ego, Johhny Danger)
paged in two doctors' office and one hospital lobby. You be amazed at how few people got the joke.
Well, I felt led by the Lord to make others smile today and
though I met with only limited success, a few, a very few, smiled. Perhaps I earned a jewel for my crown.
Johhny Danger signing off.
See you next time, God willing.
